Winning the Lottery

Winning the lottery requires a friggin miracle because the odds are roughly 1 in 176 million. If you buy 50 tickets a week, you will win the jackpot every 68,000 years.  These are facts.  However, when the jackpot is high and I go and buy a ticket, I love to think about what I would do if I won.  In many ways, I am not buying a lottery ticket...  I am buying a reason to dream.


I love asking people what they would do if they win the lottery. It says a lot about a person and what they value.  Basically, you have removed the primary motivation and driver from someone's life (i.e. money to pay for life's basic needs and luxuries), so what you are left with is a person's true motivations (or lack there of).  A lot of people say travel, charity, or spend more time family/friends.  One of my favorite responses comes from my friend Liddick who always replies "I would break things."  For those of you that know Liddick, this should not be a shocking revelation.  


My answer to this question comes in two parts.  The first thing I would do if I won the lottery is: nothing...  for 30 days.  I wouldn't even cash in the ticket.  Here is how I would proceed:

1. Upon realizing I won the lottery, I would pass out from shock and when I wake up, casually take the winning ticket to a bank and get a safety deposit box.  The ticket goes in the box and there it will sit for 30 days.
2. After the ticket is secure, I will create a new note in Evernote and start recording all of things I plan to do.  Consider this a bucket list of sorts.
3. I would proceed with my normal life.  I would go to work, hang with friends/family, etc. for 30 days, all the while noting down anything that pops to mind as something I want to do.
4. Towards the end of the 30 days, I would start contacting estate/financial planners to layout the steps of cashing in my lottery ticket.  This would most likely entail setting up a corporation that would officially accept the lottery winnings and then I have the ability to write off expenses against the company's "profits" to reduce my taxable footprint.
5. After 30 days, I should have a pretty good list of things as well as a plan on how to cash the ticket.  I would then go back to my safety deposit box and cash my ticket...

The second part of my answer will speak to the majority of items on my list... I would mess with people.  I would have a list of pranks and random things that I would do to keep me entertained with my new found wealth.  Here are just a couple of items that come to mind:


1) I have always wanted a stenographer to follow me around and record stuff that I and others say.  There are so many nights out that funny crap is said and I can't remember it the next day.  With my stenographer, I could have all events recapped for me.  Oh...  and the stenographer will be a midget that can fit in a backpack that I wear around.
2) I have a co-worker (we will call him Ryan) who was out in Nashville on a drunken night.  He was texting me saying how random it was that he ran into one of my other coworkers from Baltimore (we will call him Johnny) and that he partied with him all night.  I casually mentioned to Johnny that it must have been cool to have met up with Ryan...  to which Johnny replied that he wasn't in Nashville.  Ryan even had a picture to prove that Johnny was there...  but Johnny could prove that he had never left Baltimore.  Ryan had partied with Johnny's doppelganger.  What does this story have to do with winning the lottery?  Well, I would make it my mission to know when Ryan was flying to some random city and pay Johnny to go there and be a random sighting for Ryan.  The goal would be to convince Ryan that he was going crazy.


Here are other items that would be on my list:
1)  I would write a manifesto of improvements and suggestions for Constellation and send it out to the entire company to peruse.  After being there for 9 years, I have seen the good and the bad and there are a lot of things that could be done to help the company.  This would be part of my 30 days and I would send it out before I cashed in my ticket.
2) Write a book.  Already got an idea for it.
3) Have an internet based business with a financial focus.
4) Go to South Africa and watch Great Whites breach.  Holy.  Friggin. Crap.

An Arbitrary View of Marriage

A friend of mine is going through the bittersweet process of divorce and his saga got me thinking about the Pros and Cons of marriage.  He is pretty adamant that there is absolutely no reason to ever get married but I think he may be a little biased based on his current situation.  Regardless, he did make some excellent points as to why he thought marriage was not worth it.

Here is my attempt to look at the institution of marriage as arbitrarily as possible...  I will try to keep the fact that the vast majority of my family has been divorced not skew my view too much.

First, a little movie clip to get us in the right frame of mind...

Speech impediments rock.

Now, I do not want this to turn into a religious debate because there is no argument when it comes to someone's faith.  Instead, I will focus on the more secular aspects of marriage.

Why people should get married:
1) Sharing Employer Sponsored Healthcare
            This is a pretty common one.  Sharing benefits is definitely an advantage over a couple that is not contractually married.

2) Filing Taxes
           I stole this from another website: According to a Congressional Budget Office analysis, 51% of married couples paid less filing jointly than they would have filing alone as singles, saving an average of $1,300. Interestingly, the more disparate their incomes, the more they saved. Of course, the benefit decreases if you earn a very similar income to your spouse, like 40% of dual-income couples today.

3) Spousal Rights
           As a married couple, you have more rights to be with your spouse in times of crisis such as at a hospital.  This is a subtle Pro over couples that are not married.

4) Death and transition of assets/taxes
            In a marriage, when a spouse dies wrongfully, the partner can sue for wrongful death. Also, there is never an estate tax when assets are passed between spouses.

5) Kids...  the true life long commitment
               I used to think that getting married was important for the sole reason of having kids.  Why else would someone sign a life long contract without a life long responsibility?  But the truth is that a marriage and kids does not make it any different as far as keeping a successful relationship.  I will say that it is more socially acceptable to be married with kids and it is also socially easier when the children have the same last name as the parents.

Why people should NOT get married:
1) Hard to find happy marriages
                This isn't quantitative at all but there are not many marriages in this world that I want my relationship to emulate.  In the absence of solid examples of success, how can one hope to achieve?  A good marriage is rare.  When you finally say "I do," will you be one of the lucky ones?  Statistics say no.

2) Divorce Repercussions
                Simply put: the fear of divorce.  Based on what I have seen, divorce is one of the most crippling events in life as far as financials are concerned.  When you get married, you enter into a three-way contract: you, your spouse, and the state.  When you want to break that contract, lawyers swoop in at exorbitant rates to help you get all that you can...  which ends up being much less after the lawyers fee.  Children become bargaining chips in custody battles and child support/alimony arrangements.


Overall, do the benefits of marriage outweigh the repercussions of divorce?  I would say no...  but then marriage isn't a logical decision - it is about love.  But, as Ambrose Pierce defined love in The Devil's Dictionary: "Love is temporary insanity cured by marriage."

Should Men Read 50 Shades of Grey?

Every human without a Y chromosome is going nuts over 50 Shades of Grey.  For better or worse, women have latched on to the books and where women used to talk about the latest episode of "Real Housewives of Wrinkly Neck County" is now filled with hushed whispers regarding S&M and hard limits.  My main question with the recent wave of popularity is whether men should read 50 Shades of Grey?

To answer this deeply philosophical question, why not go through the pros and cons...

Cons:
1) 50 Shades is erotic literature.  Men do not need this.  We have porn.
2) S&M is stupid and every man thinks the same thing when someone says anything related to bondage...

3) Let's be honest...  Are you going to read this in public?  The same reason you do not flip open a Playboy while waiting for your plane to board is the same reason you will not read 50 Shades in public.

4) Reading takes time and, as I have mentioned before, time should be viewed as an investment. Do you want to invest key reading time into these books?

5) Prepare to get freaked out: Do you want to read the same erotic literature that your Mom (and possibly your grandmother!) is reading?  Let that horrific thought ripple through your psyche...  now pick up your phone and setup that therapy appointment you have been putting off for years...

Pros:
1) Your girlfriend/wife/friend with benefits asked you to read it because she wants to try some of the stuff in it...

Resolution:
As the book title implies, the answer to this question is not black and white but has some grey.  No man should ever read these books...  unless prompted by their partner.  I am on Chapter 4...

Achilles Update - Day 25 Post Op

It has been a while since I provided a general update on the achilles. To use a lame phrase: "The tendon is mendin'."

Here are some highlights:
1) I can now put weight on the foot while it is securely in the boot.  This allows me to move around (very awkwardly) without crutches.  I refer to it as my "pimp limp."  This is awesome because it allows me to carry things in my hands.  I still require crutches for any type of outdoor walking or other distances but I am now a little less worthless...  so that is a win.  I do not put any weight in any fashion on the foot when it is not in the boot.
2) I have been sleeping without my boot.  Not sure if I should be doing this but I am a pretty carcass-like sleeper and I see it as pretty low risk.  I must add that I sleep with the boot on whenever a certain someone who has starfish-like sleeping habits is around.  Can't risk one of her thrashing tentacles lashing out on my vulnerable tendon.
3) I flew to Louisville last night and am about to fly back to Baltimore in a bit (friggin 4 hour delay).  Didn't want to travel but had some things that I thought were best to do in person.  Though flying is a big no-no due to possible blood clots, the doctor said I should be OK as long as I take baby aspirin to thin the blood a bit.  I also make it a point to keep my foot constantly moving during the flight to keep blood flowing.  I will also be sure to consume a nice T&T on the plane to help the blood thinning process...  Doctor's orders.
4) Tuesday I get to take out another wedge in the boot.  Per the doctor, my goal is to remove a wedge every two weeks so this is right on schedule.  I did a quick check with a wedge out earlier this week to see if I was close and I was almost there.  This is a good sign.  I have been working the ankle out a couple times a day. It is still pretty tight but I think I am right on schedule.
5) When I got my surgery, the surgeon noted that my tear was higher than usual.  Reading online seems to imply that this is a good thing as there is more healing blood flow closer to the muscle.  Not putting much stock into this but hoping that it aids the recovery timeline.
6) Here is a picture of my hairy Kate Moss calf.  It has atrophied even further...  or my left calf is growing larger due to the extra workload.  Regardless, my legs are more asymmetrical than ever.  I feel like a girl who has a D-cup boob and a A-cup boob.  It just doesn't look right.  Gonna take a bit to get my calves back to roughly equivalent sizes I am sure.

I'm Not Him

Rule #436 of Social Etiquette: Never tell someone that they resemble a famous person.

Why?  Because you are projecting all the truths, lies, stigmas, and overall impressions of that famous person onto someone else.  You are also stripping the person of any individuality.  They are now simply a celebrity impersonator...

Over the years, I have gotten compared to a couple celebrities and nearly all of them have pissed me off.

1) The Dell Guy

I still remember it.  I was in college and this little italian kid came up to me at a party.  He stood on his tippy toes to tap me on the shoulder and I find myself staring at some guido I had never seen before in my life.

Guido: "Say it?"

Me: "Say what?"

Guido: "Say it?"

Me: "I have no idea what you are talking about."

Guido: "Say 'Dude you are getting a Dell'."

I am amazed and pissed.  I seriously considered punching him in the face but decided to just walk away.  This still pisses me off.  I should have hit him.

Dell Guy ended up getting busted for weed and quickly died out.  Thank God.

2) Craigslist Killer

Nothing like resembling a murderer.  My loving coworkers in Louisville had a field day with this when the news came out and low resolution pictures like the one above started coming out.  Luckily this died out pretty quickly...  though I definitely wore a hoodie to the bar for Halloween and owned my resemblance...

3) Old Nick Carter

I don't even know who this goober is but Maryn sent me a note telling me that I was a poor woman's Nick Carter.  I don't know if I was more insulted for being compared to him or being a poor woman's version of him.

4) Daniel Craig

This is actually one that I am fine with.  Who doesn't want to be compared to James Bond?  This guy is only a billion times more awesome than me but I will take the comparison even if it is only from a distance...  at night...  in a downpour...

Asset Allocation of Life?

"Beware the barrenness of a busy life." - Socrates


"The unexamined life is not worth living." - Socrates


"As if you could kill time without injuring eternity." - Thoreau, Walden

I spend a ridiculous amount of time (apparently 2% of my life...  see below) reading about personal finance and making sure I have a clear plan on my investments.  I make sure that my investments are on track and that I am doing everything I can to ensure I am managing my money wisely...  So why am I not doing the same thing with my life?


Time is money.  Time well spent.  As a society, we frequently refer to time as currency.  There was even a movie made regarding the concept...  it wasn't bad at all actually.

JT rocks.

This had me thinking that my time is currently spread across so many different things.  The influx of 24 hour news is a constant distraction as I am inundated with Facebook status updates, tweets, stock prices, NFL news, etc.  I really doubt my brain is consuming 1% of all of this.  I equate this to a stock portfolio with hundreds of stocks that were bought on pure impulse whenever a news article came in.  If I was an financial advisor for this type of portfolio, I would prepare for a complete overhaul...  after I stopped ranting about how awful a portfolio this was.


So, here is my attempt to gauge my current life allocation and then lay out what changes I think need to be made.


My methodology is based on 8,736 hours in a year (24*7*52).  I estimated the amount of time I spend on a given activity into "hours per year."  This number divided by 8,736 gives me the percent of my life I spend on something annually.  My estimates are severely subjective, qualitative, and anecdotal -  and I am an English major - so please don't look too deep into my data. 


Here is my current life allocation as I see it.

And yes...  I do love pie charts.

And for those who don't think I actually put some math into this little exercise, here are my underlying assumptions.

Group	Category	Pct	Explanations
Mandatory	Sleep	33%	8 hours a night on average.
Mandatory	Administrative	2%	4 hours a week to do the things required in life. With no kids or wife, this is easy and consists of dry cleaning and minimal grocery shopping.
Work	Employment	30%	10 hour days times 5 business days. Includes travel time for work. I have also assumed that when I am at work but doing one of the other activities on this list, that time is NOT counted in the work estimate.
Life	Ross Poker Tour	1%	My ongoing monthly poker tournament that is in its 8th year. 1 night a month for 7 hours. 1 hour a month on average for admin.
Life	NFL/Fantasy Football	4%	10 home games, 12 hours each. 10 hours every week I am not at the game. I am counting pre-season because I am a super fan. 3 hours a week for fantasy football. 8 hours every weekend for playoffs. 2 hours a week for 6 months during the offseason. 12 hours for the NFL Draft (which is awesome).
Life	Personal Finance	2%	4 hours a week. Microsoft Money, trading, stocks information, articles, blogs, forums.
Life	Reading	2%	4 hours a week reading true paper and not random drivel on the interwebs.
Life	Pointless Internet	17%	Because I don't watch TV… this is my time suck. 4 hours a day on average. Includes youtube, Facebook, yahoo articles, emailing, this blog, Diablo III (damn you Cubbage), and the randomness of whatever appeals to me at that exact moment.
Life	Going out/Dining Out/Hanging Out	9%	I am crippled right now but usually 15 hours a week I would say. This includes happy hours, dining out, and general socializing with friends and family.

You may be thinking...

...  but this is the good part.  Here are my thoughts on the above:

1. Pointless Internet.
• I dropped my cable and overall TV watching back in January of 2011...  yet I have filled its worthless space with just a different time suck.
• I am addicted to internet and I know it.  There is no methadone or rehab for this.  I need some higher force to make sure that I only get a known allocation... I am like a child who needs some structure...  so why not get an electronic parent?  Enter the EZ internet timer.  http://www.internettimer.net/
• I am going to hold myself to 14 hours a week (2 hours a night average).  That would be a 50% decrease in the amount of time spent.  Some things I plan to do is setup my new services to send me a daily email summary. Do I really need real-time information?  No.  I can check out recent happenings in the world in a daily email and proceed with my life.
• Is this too bold?  No.  Nothing miraculous or life changing will happen while mindlessly scouring the internet with no true purpose.  Instead...  I will increase my allocation of...
2. Going out/Dining Out/Hanging Out
• The best things that happen in life are when you are with other people.  I cannot think of a single awesome memory where I was alone.  So why am I not investing more of my life into something that has much higher upside?
• To get back to our portfolio example above, pointless internet is like sticking money under your mattress.  It feels safe but you are ignoring the effects of inflation, interest, dividends, etc.  Hanging with friends and family is more like investing in the stock market.  Sure there are going to be highs and lows with some unexpected volatility but in the long run, you will be much better off.
3. Reading
• My brain processes true paper-based reading way better than it does anything on the computer because I am focused on just one thing.  On the computer, I am listening to music while watching youtube and reading finance forums.  My brain is flooded with information.  It is like the entire Dallas Cowboy Cheerleading squad seductively dancing for you.  It is awesome but you can't remember one detail about any of the girls.  It is just too much to take in.
• I like reading.  It relaxes me and allows me to slow down.  I need to increase this as well.  If I am going to be alone somewhere, I would prefer reading rather than pointless internet
4. Everything Else...
• People need hobbies.  Mine is NFL, personal finance, and poker.  When I look at these items, they are either social and/or profitable.  These are good ways to spend time in my humble opinion and I enjoy them.
• My work/life balance is fine.  Everybody can find something to complain about their employment (I know I have my fair share) but in the end, you have to ask yourself "is it really that bad?"  I have a job that challenges me and I like the people I work with.  At the end of the day, those are the two basic things I need to be happy in my job...  oh...  and a decent wage...  but that goes without saying.

I hope to make some changes as I get back on my feet and being able to look back at these posts will be a reminder to stay focused on how life is spent.  

In the scope of the world, how I spend my time is trivial but stopping to assess one's life is powerful.  If more people took the time to do a little introspection and empowering themselves to correct the areas that are lacking, we might actually have some people that want to do the same thing for America (become good politicians... is that an oxymoron?).

2012 Fantasy Football Sleepers

I love fantasy football.  I am the commissioner of two leagues and it is one of my favorite hobbies.  There is nothing better than the annual fantasy football draft and all of the planning that goes into it.  There is also nothing better than the trash talking and overall speculation that comes along with any group of competitive people engaging in a trivial activity.

Though it is early, I thought I would throw some thoughts on 2012 Fantasy NFL Sleepers.  A "Sleeper" is defined as anyone who not getting a lot of press who could have a huge year.  Examples in the past are Miles Austin from three years ago, Michael Vick from two years ago, and Rob Gronkowski from last year.  Let's see if any of these predictions pan out.

The Lions run the ball?

1) Mikel Leshoure, RB, Lions - You had to know that at least one of my sleepers would be coming off of a torn achilles tendon, right?  Well, meet Mr. Leshoure.  He got hurt in August of last year so will be a full year into his recovery by the time the pre-season games start.  He joins a Lions backfield that is comprised of Jahvid Best (who gets concussed while sneezing), Kevin Smith (who was originally cast as Mr. Glass in "Unbreakable"), and a couple other no names.  This kid has the skills to really step it up and be the lead running back in the pass happy Lions offense.  If he can stay healthy, he can definitely be a solid value this year...  and is he can avoid being suspended for his marijuana possession charges.  Why do football players all love weed?  He is currently going undrafted in early mock drafts.

I hate the Steelers so much.  If hate were people, I would be China.

2) Isaac Redman, RB, Steelers - I hate the Steelers...  it is known.  I also known that the Steelers invested heavily in their offensive line during the draft so that they can 1) protect Big Ben and 2) be a dominant run-oriented offense.  Todd Haley focused on a solid run game while in KC with Jamaal Charles and Thomas Jones.  When they threw, they loved to use play action.  All this points to an increased workload on Pittsburgh running backs.  Rashard Mendenhall is coming off a torn ACL that happened late last season and will most likely be on the PUP through at least week 8 of 2012.  Having had two ACL repairs myself, it takes a year to really feel yourself.  This opens a huge door for Isaac Redman to establish himself as the lead back for the damned Steelers.  In very early mock drafts, he is going around round 7.

The ball is my friend...  The ball is my friend...

3) Juron Criner, WR, Raiders - It is early.  Real early.  Buy why not make a truly crazy prediction and say some no name rookie WR is going to have a great year a la Steve Johnson in Buffalo a few years back?  This is my deep dynasty sleeper for 2012.  He is big, runs routes well, and catches everything.  They knock his speed...  but those same critics probably said the same thing about a kid coming out of Mississippi Valley State in 1985 who only ran a 4.71 40.  That kid was Jerry Rice.  Now - I am not saying Criner is the next Jerry Rice but he has skills and is playing on a Raiders team that lacks true possession receivers.  Sure DHB and Denarius Moore are blazing fast but for true route running and catching, they are not as polished as Criner.  Carson Palmer made a star our of Housh a few years ago and he had a similar skill set.  Time will tell but there is a lot of upside with Criner.

A camo hat? In Nashville?  Oh wait...  of course.

4) Jake Locker, QB, Titans - Matt Hasselbeck is the new Kurt Warner.  Kurt had to watch a rookie Eli Manning start over him in New York and then went out to Arizona to watch Matt Leinart stink it up.  Luckily, Kurt took over and led the Cardinals to a Super Bowl.  Now, it is Hasselbeck's turn to watch some kid start over him.  Not because he is better per se but because he is the "the future." Jake Locker is athletic and had excellent poise last year is his limited action.  He took care of the ball and I think he has a good chance to put up QB2 numbers this year.  He is currently undrafted in early mock drafts.  With Kenny Britt coming back from injury and Chris Johnson coming back from an embarrassing year, he has offensive weapons to use...  and when the defense focuses on shutting down those offensive weapons, he can throw to his TE...

Am I the only one impressed with the strength of his achilles in this picture?

5) Jared Cook, TE, Titans - As I mentioned above, the Titans will be better offensively next year.  They have to be.  And if I have learned anything, young QBs love their TEs.  TEs are big targets who stay close to the line and are a like a 270 lb security blanket.  In comes Jared Cook.  He ended last year beautifully with 335 yards receiving and 1 TD with 26 targets in the final three games.  If he can stay more consistent this year, he has the makings of an excellent value TE in the later rounds of the draft.  As a note, I drafted him last year with the same thoughts but he was too inconsistent...  so I am jumping back on the bandwagon again this year.  Fool me once...  Cook is currently getting drafted around round 12 in early mock drafts.

A Trophy for Atrophy?

What's that?  You have a fetish for asymmetrical legs?  Or perhaps you want to have the look of a pirate peg leg but don't want to actually be an amputee?  Well, you are in luck.  With my proven method, you too can have that beautiful look in as little as 3 weeks!  How you ask?  Simple.  Tear your achilles tendon.  What?  You don't want the pain, surgery, and otherwise disabled lifestyle that comes with it?  No pain, no gain.

Just look at the results of my patent pending methods:

In all seriousness, the tendon is definitely healing.  I am doing some exercises with it every day but very basic passive motion.  I can tell it is helping.  Otherwise, I leave my foot in the boot for extra protection.  I showered without a cover on the foot for the first time today.  A mini-milestone of sorts.

I continue to work to getting another wedge out of the boot in 1.5 weeks.  I think I should be able to do that as I patiently let the tendon heal.  I have decent movement with my foot and just need time to pass so I can get back to life.

And More Progress

When I was at the doctor's office and getting put back into my CAM boot, the doctor had said that I should be able to remove one of the wedges that comprises the heel of the boot.  As I had attempted to do that, the tendon was a bit too tight so the doctor said to just work into it over the next few days...  well...  today was the day.  I was able to get my foot into my lower heeled boot.  It really feels like the skin is as tight as the tendon. Just got to allow some more time for the wound to heal a bit more then I can hopefully massage the area to attempt to loosen up some of the scar tissue.

Now, the countdown begins so that in two weeks, I can remove yet another wedge.  I must continue to stretch and passively work the ankle to get it to that point.  Soon enough.

Aftermath of the First Post-Op Visit

As expected, I got my stitches out and got put into my CAM walker boot.  I am such a huge wuss when it comes to any type of gore.   I even got a little queasy looking at my own ankle.  Below are the pics from cast through stitch removal.  I should have taken pictures of my calf as it is much smaller already.  I was impressed with how little swelling I had.  In fact, my Mom made a comment of how skinny my ankle was.  That is definitely a positive and is probably why I have had virtually zero pain since the first few days after surgery.

My doctor gave me a very loose, verbal plan.  No weight bearing for another 5 weeks.  I am to passively work the ankle 5 minutes twice a day.  Every two weeks, I am supposed to remove a wedge from my boot as I gradually get more flexibility in the tendon.  I have a follow-up appointment at the 6-week post-op to review progress and start physical therapy.

Being in the boot is a double-edged sword.  My foot is much more exposed but at least now I can do some passive movement which (if the internet forums and blogs are to be believed) accelerates the recovery timeline a little.  Now, I need to get disciplined and focus on making progress without hurting myself.

Milestone: 1st Post-Op Doctor's Appointment

This afternoon I head back to my doctor for my first follow-up.  I am under the impression that I will get the cast off, stitches out, and be put into my CAM boot (which apparently stands for Controlled Ankle Motion).  I am also pretty sure that I will be told that there will be no weight put on the foot until week 6 but I should now be able to do some basic exercises for the ankle.  At week 6, I will start PT.

The big highlight in all this is that I will be able to actually see my foot.  I have no idea what the incision looks like (but I keep praying that the incision was made in the shape of a lightning bolt for extra coolness).  I will be sure to put pictures up and gross out some folks.

I have no pain at all now which is awesome but I continue to take it easy.  The last thing I need is to re-injure myself and have to start this over.  That would totally crush my spirits.  I try not to think about that but it helps me keep focus on being patient and taking things slow.  As I keep telling myself: Soon enough.

Asset Allocation Nerdiness

When you are laid up, you start focusing on the administrative aspects of your life... like investment diversity.  Disclosure: I am a massive personal finance geek and this is a topic that fascinates me.


I have been focusing on making sure my investment portfolio is diverse and tax efficient.  I am a firm believer in commission-free ETF investing and have moved my Roth and most of my personal trading accounts over to TDAmeritrade because they have over 100 commission-free ETFs.  My 401k is with T. Rowe Price but there isn't much I can do about that.  I still have some play-money in TradeKing so I can pretend I am Gordon Gekko with option trading and pure speculative stock buys (cheap commissions).  I even factored this into my asset allocation.  I also have money in Fidelity because that is where my credit card is managed but I will slowly transition most of this money to the TDAmeritrade personal account.

And yes... I have a shirt just like that.

Below is my target asset allocation (at a general level):

Category	Percentage
Stocks	65%
Bonds	30%
Cash	5%

Now, breaking that down to a more detailed level:

Category	Sub_cat	Allocation
Cash	Cash	100%
Stock	Intl Large Cap	20%
Stock	Intl Small Cap	10%
Stock	Emerging Markets	10%
Stock	Domestic Large	35%
Stock	Domestic Small/mid	20%
Stock	Play Investing	5%
Bonds	muni	10%
Bonds	TIPS	10%
Bonds	corp/domestic	25%
Bonds	Treasuries	5%
Bonds	Intl Emerging Markets	15%
Bonds	Intl	15%
Bonds	Junk	10%
Bonds	MBS	10%

My allocation is a bit more conservative than what a typical 30 year old may like but this fits my risk tolerance.  I am slowly moving my investments into this structure and it will take probably all of this year as I buy a little at a time.


Based on the funds/ETFs that I am using, the overall expense ratio of my portfolio is just 0.099% which is awesome.  I hope to keep my expenses low and stick to my allocation above through thick and thin in the market for at least a few years.


In addition, the portfolio is now very tax efficient.  In 2011, I got destroyed by taxes on my investments (God how I wish FairTax was in place...) so I needed to have an investment strategy that didn't result in me giving most of my gains to the government.   The things I focused on were putting higher dividend yielding holdings in tax free accounts and to do very little selling.  As these are ETFs, the tax consequence is based on selling the securities.  Because I am rebalancing the portfolio through new money, selling is a very rare event and as such, capital gains taxes will be greatly reduced...  except for my play money portfolio of course.


 I will monitor my performance and make sure I am in line with overall market metrics but having a plan makes me much more confident in investing as well as reducing the amount of stress involved with trying to beat the market with individual stocks.  As I like to say, don't try to beat the market.  Be the market...  over the long term :)

Reminder to take it slow

Poor Jason Peters.  After tearing his achilles and getting it fixed...  he falls in the kitchen and tears it again.  This is definitely a sanity check to take it nice and slow.

After 1 week, the ankle feels good and I feel myself getting braver but this is a grim reminder how quickly things can go wrong.

http://espn.go.com/nfl/story/_/id/7930474/jason-peters-philadelphia-eagles-ruptured-achilles-again

Things I Think I Think 1.0: Gay Marriage and Taxes

In a small homage to Peter King's Monday Morning Quarterback, here is an initial list of Things I Think I Think:

1) Gay marriage has less to do with religion and social mores than it does entitlement programs and financial ramifications. Why would the federal government care if two people of the same sex got married?  At best it is a state government issue but the real issue is that same sex marriages impact social security, immigration, taxes, and health insurance.  We don't like to think of marriage as a financial contract with the state but it is effectively a threesome: Him, Her, and the Government.  As such, while we may talk about the ethical aspects of gay marriage, it is really the financial impacts of providing "spousal" benefits through social security, naturalization through same sex marriages, extending spousal coverage for health insurance, and additional deductions for income tax.  Because we have socialized certain aspects of our economy and society, expanding the legal definition of marriage to include same sex marriages will result in financial impacts on all Americans.  Though I am sure there are many honest gay couples that deserve these changes, there will definitely be corruption and abuse that will insist upon even more regulation from a government that cannot afford the regulation it currently does.  With my libertarian views, I would prefer that we remove social security, income tax (see below), and employer sponsored health insurance that way this issue is truly a state level decision whether to support same sex unions or not.  The immigration element could be handled through even more bureaucracy at the federal level but overall it would be a modicum of the issue it is today.

2) The current income tax structure is horribly complicated and inefficient.  I have only donated money to one political cause in my life and that is the FairTax.  To put it simply, it proposes taxation of spending rather than income.  The benefits of this are huge.  I will just talk to a few of the most notable:

A) In 2009, there were 140 million income tax submissions to the IRS.  In contrast, roughly 5000 businesses collect 98% of the tax revenue.  Just think how much easier it is to audit 5000+ businesses than it is to ensure compliance of 140 million tax payers.
B) When tourists come to America and spend money, they are paying our taxes.
C) When any under the table revenue is earned (drug dealers, cash payments, illegal immigrants, etc.), taxes are paid.
D) Investments are no longer taxed.  Thus, when you save money and earn interest, you only pay taxes when you spend the money.  Likewise with investments.  I will no longer need to think about the "tax consequences" of making an investment decision.

These are just a few of the highlights.  Change is hard but the current structure is not supportable as our country continues to grow.

Its the Freaking Weekend

Under the circumstances, things are progressing quite well.  It is now Day 6 and my pain is down to basically nothing.  The only time the ankle bothers me is at night.  I keep it propped up at night on top of some pillows but I think the ankle gets cranky when it stays in one place for too long.  It woke me up a few times early this morning.  The pain is just a mild throbbing that disappears as soon as I move around a little.

Friday marked the first drinks I have had since the surgery. Glen and I enjoyed some excellent T&T's and pretty soon, I was feeling pretty good.  Not the best thing to do when on crutches but I wasn't moving around too much for it to matter.

Carly came by Friday night and brought some dark chocolate non-pareils and asked the eternal question of what is a pareil and why is it excluded from these delicious confectionary treats?  Regardless, I found it amusing that my family has been eating non-pareils for as long as I can remember and apparently hers has as well.  Must be an Essex thing.

When Carly came over, it really gave me perspective on my current situation.  Here is a 30 year old man at his Mom's house who requires crutches to move around.  Definitely not the type of impression you want to make in an early relationship.  Should provide some extra motivation in physical therapy to get me back to functional.

Saturday was one of the nicest days of the year and I hung outside for most of it.  Mr. Tinker stopped by and brought some tuna fish and cards...  also known as a "Parkville Care Package."  Good man.  We grilled up some burgers and chatted it up out on the deck then played Golf;  A game with just enough skill and luck to be mindless fun.

Sunday was Mother's Day and I once again gave her the best gift a mother could ever want: a handicapped son  to wait on.  Who needs cards or flowers?  We went over to my brother's for a nice cookout.  My niece (4) was rather curious what happened to me and Gavin (13) thought that the crutches were his new toy. I kept giving him random "crutch challenges" to do like "go get 2 bottles of water and bring them back" or "leaving the crutches at my size, go all the way over there and back."  At least he wasn't playing video games.

The follow-up doctor's appointment is on Thursday and I should get the stitches out and get put into my boot again.  That will be my first time to see the wound.  I am pretty sure it will be a nice size cut and I will also be sure to snap some pictures.  I think things are coming along right on schedule but it is just the start of a long road.  I keep reminding myself to be patient and repeating my new mantra: "Soon enough."

My Kryptonite

Being laid up has given me ample time to reflect on things.  For one, I am horribly inflexible in my joints.  I can't help but wonder if that is why when I get hurt, it has something to do with my connective tissue.

My brother even had to poke fun.  When I called him to tell him that I had got hurt, he calmly replied "You know I had heard that children of mothers that smoke during pregnancy often suffer from weak connective tissue..."  For context, I had lived most of my life believing that my mother smoked during my brother's pregnancy (at 18 years old) and not mine (at 27 years old).  It wasn't until I made a joke about at my brother's expense a few years ago that my Mom corrected me...  Burn.

Regardless of its cause, I think I will need to remedy some stretching into my routine more seriously.  Looks like you continue to lose flexibility as you get older and I can't imagine some of my joints getting any more inflexible.

Dropping Like Flies

First T-Sizzle...  Now Bowers...  Maybe it is an epidemic...

http://espn.go.com/nfl/story/_/id/7916547/tampa-bay-buccaneers-de-daquan-bowers-tears-achilles-tendon

Night of Day 1, Day 2 and the start of Day 3

The night of the surgery was a bit uncomfortable.  It was a very restless sleep where I would wake every few hours.  I had set my alarm for 5am to remind me to take my next pain pill.  After that, I would be 24 hours past surgery and I stopped the pain meds entirely.  Without the pain meds, I was able to really get a feeling for what things were like underneath my cast...  for better and worse.

Day 2 was filled with movie watching and I now know why my little sister talks about Hulu.  What a great service.  I watched a bunch of modern family, family guy, and american dad.  Love those shows.  Movie-wise, I watched the new Mission Impossible and Horrible Bosses.  Neither was that good but helped kill the time.  I had watched Green Lantern and Thor the other day.  Thor was much better than I thought it would be and I am a sucker for anything that stars Ryan Reynolds.  If you haven't seen Van Wilder, you are doing yourself a disservice.

The biggest issue has to be my back.  Laying around all day sounds glorious but the mattress I am on is rather squishy.  The mattresses I like are basically the equivalent of carpet covered flooring.  As such, I sink into the mattress and my back is not enjoying this one bit.  I think it is also my body's way of saying "Stop being a lazy jerk."  How do those 600 lb. people do it?

The night of Day 2 was much better.  Still woke up a few times (due to my back) but other than that, slept mostly through the night.  I awoke to Day 3 with much less pain in my ankle.  Actually, when it is elevated, I hardly think about it.  Having read other people's recoveries, many others stay on pain meds for days after surgery.  I am grateful that I only used them for the first 24 hours.

My Mom has been awesome and every day has made me a smoothie along with making sure I have a cooler of food/water next to me.  If there was a Hall of Fame for Moms, I am pretty sure mine would be a first ballot inductee.  I have tried to stay focused on getting my nutrients everyday and helping the body heal. Tonight, we are doing up some of the Omaha Steaks I had ordered in advance.  Just my little way of trying to thank Mom and Glen for their hospitality.  I owe them more than steaks but at least this is a little down payment.

Big achievements will happen on Day 3:
1) I just pooped for the first time since surgery.  I cannot tell you how happy this made me.  The ankle did really well during the whole experience.  It is the little things that matter most during recovery...
2) Shower day.  I haven't showered since the surgery and I need to keep my hygiene up (and use my fancy shower chair and cast cover).  I think that would make me feel better too.
3) Hang out in the living room.  The last 48 hours have basically been spent between the bedroom and the bathroom...  time to venture out to the living room like Uncle Traveling Matt.

T-Sizzle and I get surgery the same day

http://espn.go.com/nfl/story/_/id/7907348/terrell-suggs-baltimore-ravens-surgery-torn-achilles-tendon

Surgery Day

Woke up this morning around 5:45am and got cleaned up for surgery day.  Dad came by around 6am and picked up Mom and me and we went straight to the doctor's.  I wasn't really nervous but more anxious.  I have mentally been through the scenarios in my head a hundred times.  I just wanted to get this behind me and start heading towards recovery.

We arrived at the doctor's around 6:30...  30 minutes early.  Mom's fear of traffic didn't materialize.  We waited in the waiting room over an hour.  The whole time, Mom, Dad, and I are the only ones talking.  We are yukking it up and I am pretty sure we were annoying all the other folks.  This is one of the few times I get to hang out with both my parents together so I am going to enjoy it no matter what the circumstances.  Though my tendon is separated...  how nice that it brings my parents together...

It wasn't until 7:45 until my name was finally called. The nurse was very nice.  She has been doing this for 30 years and was very eager to complain about her husband of 25 years.  I learned that he works for the government and plays golf 3 times a week.  She made it clear that "working for the government" means playing golf most of the time.  She was quick to also point out that he did not know how to deal with the emotional problems their college age daughter was currently going through and because of that "he is worthless."  All this commentary was quite amusing and I thought would help me take my mind off the fact that she was sticking a large IV needle into the vein in my hand.  As I saw the IV hanging out of my hand...  That was all it took.  I quickly started to get light headed and had what she called a Vasovagal Response or, in laymen's terms, a totally lame-ass, wuss reaction.  I basically fainted.  When I came to, I had a cold rag on my head and oxygen pumping into my nose.  Yup.  I am a huge wuss. "Doctor...  this man has a torn achilles and apparently a huge vagina that we will need to remove..."

At this time, my nurse went and got my parents...  She told them that this is common (in men) and happens a few times a week.  My parents came around the corner with compassion and sympathy on their faces as their baby boy lay there....  oh wait...  That would be what SHOULD happen.  Instead, my parents come around with iPhones poised to capture this glorious moment and then text the pictures out to friends and family.  My shame had gone viral  Ah well - I still love my parents.

After that, the rest was pretty basic.  Dr. Brodie stopped by and gave me the spoiler on the surgery.  He mentioned that I would be in a cast for about 2 weeks and then be moved into the boot once I got my stitches taken out (May 17th I believe).  Physical Therapy and weight bearing will be around 6 weeks.  Between weeks 2 and 6, I would have exercises at home to do.  This was good news in my mind based on what I had read online.  Some folks were in casts for the entire 6 weeks!  So far, so good.

My anesthesiologist came by as well.  He was quite funny and I couldn't help but joke about the fact that he could save a lot of time and effort in knocking me out: just wave a big needle in front of my face and I will probably faint.

I went into surgery around 8:30.  The thing about operating rooms is the smell.  It smells like ionized antiseptic.  I remember it from my ACL surgeries.  The other thing I remembered once I got in the OR is how sneaky anesthesiologists can be...  or should I call them aneSNEAKYologists...  They try to distract you as they slip you a mickey.  This one was no different as he kept asking me benign questions about what I do and where I live.  When he asked me for the second time "What do you do for work?"  I was about to chastise him for asking me the same question twice when I woke up in the recovery room.  Damn sneaky anesthesiologists....

Recovery A.K.A. returning to the land of the living.  The nurses once again were very nice.  I have heard that some folks even get very emotional when recovering from anesthesia, specifically blonde-haired, blue-eyed people (Carly - maybe it is just women...  of all hair and eye colors? :), but that isn't me.  I just feel a little shaky and groggy with a slightly upset stomach.  "I am sorry Mr. and Ms. Ross...  We were able to fix your son's tendon but we could not remove the vagina..."

Dr. Brodie stopped by before I left to give me a quick recap of the surgery.  My surgery went very well.  The tendon had snapped higher than usual, up near the calf.  The gap was roughly 2-3 cms.  The incision is not exactly behind my heel but more towards the inside of my leg.  I appreciated the post game commentary.   Just that little bit of time means so much to a patient and I encourage all current and future doctors to not ignore the pre and post surgery visits with your patients.

As I sipped ginger ale, I assessed my post-op situation.  I had a big cast on my foot going up my calf.  The nurses had put ice on it (as if I would get anything from that through the massive cast...).  The pain in the ankle was subtle like a dull ache...  the kind you get from watching too much CNN.  I can wiggle my toes which I had heard that some people couldn't do for a few days.  Overall, surgery is complete.  Now to step two: beating post surgical pain.

This is me being psyched for recovery...  and supporting Bluegrass Indoor Karting

We got into Dad's SUV and headed back to Mom's.  After the shaky process to get me up the steps and onto the main floor of the house (Thanks Dad for helping stabilize), I went directly to my presidential suite here at Casa de la Debi and got my foot propped up.  It wasn't 30 minutes until I had to pee for the first time.  In summary. the ankle likes to be elevated.  It does not like to be down.  The blood goes straight to it and it throbs.  The pain isn't too bad but the ankle reminds you to go lay down and elevate.

I got myself on a regular pain med schedule.  The meds aren't that bad as far as clouding my mind and I assume are helping the pain.  I am taking 1 every 5 hours.

Carly came by and brightened my day.  She brought a Rita's Chocolate Misto (which is one of my favorite things on this green planet) as well as a little care package filled with crosswords, Sudoku, and comic books (yes - I love comics).  She hung out for a couple hours and chatted with me.  It was thoughtful beyond words.  She might be one of the sweetest and kindest people I have met before.  Seriously.  Thank You.

That concludes Day 0 of surgery.  A bit long winded but catharsis is ignorant of word count.  Looking forward to Day 1...  and Day 180.

New Shower Chair and Improved Transportation

Shower chair came today so I figured I would give it a test run.  Pretty nice actually.  Who would have thought that showering like an 80 year old stroke victim would feel so rewarding?  Beats having to balance on my good leg and make sure i don't slip and fall.  Now, I can relax and focus on getting clean.  Its the little things in life I suppose.

Cast shower cover also came today.  Pretty nice and way better than strapping a garbage bag around my leg.  I think shower-wise I am ready to rock.  Still waiting on my laptop holder...  hope that arrives soon.

I also was able to borrow a wheelchair which will definitely help when leaving the house.  I mean, I should be well into recovery (though not walking) when all the cook outs start.  Would much rather wheel myself around in style than lugging myself around on crutches.  Hopefully by the fourth of July cookouts, I will be walking (read: limping) around.

Other interesting note is that Dad is going to drive Mom and I over to the hospital tomorrow morning.  Though this sounds like a Norman Rockwell picture of Americana, it is a bit interesting as my parents have been divorced for like 25 years.  I am touched to have them both there and transporting back and forth in Dad's big SUV is much more appealing than Mom's smaller car.  This lets me stretch out in the backseat for the ride back to Mom's and once I am up the steps, I should be able to heal with relatively little steps and/or transport for a week.  I am most interested in the first few days and then evaluating from there.

Time to get this surgery behind me and onto the long road to recovery.

Handikart

Costco trip was awesome...  in that I got to use the electric karts.  These things are impressive. They have the best turning radius I have ever seen.  It had plenty of torque and could stop on a dime.  The best part:  On a crowded Sunday, I was parting the crowd like the Red Sea.  I may have to keep a spare CAM boot in the car and really play it up the next time I need to get in and out of Costco.  Here is a lovely demo of these wonderful machines.

I am now stocked up with all the supplies I will need and now at Mom's house.  For those recovering, I highly recommend this place.  Everything is on one floor: bedroom, bathroom, shower, kitchen, living room, and even a walk out deck.  This is the best place to get through the first week of the surgery.

I was getting a little nervous about the surgery until I heard that a friend of mine's brother has to get open heart surgery.  That definitely helps put perspective on my little surgery.  It will suck. It will take some time to recover but I will get better.  Not everyone has the same prognosis for their injuries/surgeries.